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◦ Pine trees eat golf balls.
◦ Hazards attract; fairways repel.
◦ It's not a gimme if you're still away.
◦ Aim for the bunker, you'll never hit it.
◦ A putt cannot be wished into the cup.
◦ If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
◦ Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.
◦ It rains only when you forget your umbrella.
◦ Two putts on a slick green are only the beginning.
◦ Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
◦ Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
◦ If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
◦ It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50' putt when you lie 9.
◦ A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
◦ There is more to life than to break par, but not much more.
◦ Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
◦ A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.
◦ A shot in the lake is an act of God, but a hole-in-one is mine alone.
◦ 밡ice lag?can usually be translated to 뱇ousy putt.?
◦ 밫ough break?can usually be translated 뱖ay to miss an easy one, sucker.?
◦ The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
◦ The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
◦ The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
◦ The higher a golfer뭩 handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
◦ Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers.
◦ Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
◦ Sand is alive. If it isn뭪, how do you explain the way it works against you?
◦ Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
◦ A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group.
◦ A group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, and convict.
◦ All 1 Irons are demon-possessed.
◦ Golf balls from the same 뱒leeve?tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water
◦ When nature calls bathrooms will always be three holes away.
◦ All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
◦ If there is more than one way to hit the ball, you will always choose the wrong way.
◦ Golf is a game of inches. Your ball inches into the creek, inches into the sand ...
◦ When you're desperate for a par, a double bogey is on the horizon.
◦ Any difficult shot can be made to be impossible if enough time is made to study it.
◦ Gale force winds that drive your ball back into your face will disappear when it's your opponents turn.
◦ If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
◦ The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the start of the next group of three
◦ Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.
◦ No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
◦ ever try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing
◦ When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
◦ There are two kinds of bounces, unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
◦ You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
◦ If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
◦ To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of the backswing by his handicap.
◦ You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
◦ A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
◦ If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.
◦ Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
◦ If you play one good round of golf a month, it will be outside of tournament play.
◦ The one good round of golf will drop your handicap and place you into a flight you can't hope to compete in.
◦ The more simple the putt, the greater the chance is of blowing it.
◦ On a shot out of bounds, you can find everyone's ball but your own.
◦ Any mistake made on your scorecard will not be to your advantage.
◦ If your golf swing feels natural you're doing it wrong.
◦ The best tee times are allotted to people who deserve them the least.
◦ Once struck, the golf ball acquires a mind of its own.
◦ The best way to play the hole will become obvious as soon as you have finished your round.
◦ It is easier to get water to flow uphill than to get any sympathy in a locker room.
◦ A good disposition indicates that the ball has not been teed up, yet.
◦ No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the
◦ 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
◦ Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases proportionately with the number of people you tell about the former.
◦ Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
◦ Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down, and worshipped.
◦ No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant 밳ou looked up,?or invoke the wrath of the universe.
◦ Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
◦ What you see the pros do on TV is almost impossible for the rest of us to copy, unless it's the first time golfer who has no idea of what they've just done.
◦ When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
◦ The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.
◦ The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
◦ Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
◦ To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of the backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20, handicap 15, downswing 300mph.
◦ There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
◦ If faced with a full shot to the green while the foursome ahead is still putting, you seem to have only you have two options. You can immediately shank a lay-up or wait until the green is clear and top the ball halfway there. A third, lesser know, option that ensures you will hit the green, 10' past hole high, is to hit it right away.
◦ Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to dis his own haircut.
◦ There are two types of luck in golf, (1) bad luck-which belongs to you and (2) good luck-which belongs to your opponents.
◦ If a normally fast group of four has difficulty on the first hole, the slow group behind will insist on playing through.
(Author : 2005-01-19 (23:01), Clicked : 4317) |
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